Vicky Lee's Profile
I am an inbetweenie,
not man, not woman, not straight, not gay, I am just me an entrepreneur,
promoter, performer, artist, writer, publisher who loves everything
feminine and is VERY good at DIY (is that a contradiction? Or is that
YOUR predjudice about what a woman is supposed to be like??) xxx
What is your name and what is your
My name is Vicky Lee. I have a background
in manufacturing engineering and DJing. My life partner and I have been
together since 1972. We have always chosen not to have children we have
discussed this together often and have taken counselling with 'Relate'
on this subject among other things. One of the reasons has been that
I am a possible confusion to children. I now have 5 close and 3 estranged
nieces and nephews 3 who don't know me and 5 who love me dearly. I have
tried to follow a masculine path but during this time descended into
workaholic depression. I was a useless partner during this period of
my life. Now is the happiest time of my life and my partners too. It
has not been easy to get to this point in my life.
Are you happy to be called a tranny
and what does this name mean to you?
I am a tranny - Tranny short for transgendered,
which I believe embraces transvestites and transsexuals. I also call
myself an inbetweeny I believe that if we take ownership of our labels
then no one can hurt us by using them against us.
How old are you and how young can
you remember thinking about or actually cross-dressing?
I was 50 in 2004. From my youngest memories
I can never remember NOT dressing whenever I got the opportunity. I
first found the London tranny scene, (other than a few closeted Halloween
parties), on a Friday afternoon at Transformation in Euston followed
by a weekend at The Phillbeach Hotel having never talked to a tranny
or a gay person ever before.
Where do you buy clothes?
I buy clothes wherever I see them. I
like to design and make my own clothes. I have just lost a lot of weight
and now enjoy the styles that I want to wear. (When did I write that
?? - put the weight back on now and struggling to find suitable styles
again ho - hum).
What leads you to choose the styles
I am influenced by everything around
me magazines, films, music videos, women on the street. The hardest
thing is finding the look in the shops. Like many I am heavily influenced
by fashion (its so hard to feel fashionable in skirts over the last
few years). I loved the late 80's opaque tights short skirts and comfy
boots look but could never go out in that look now.
Do you have one look or many images?
I do have a look. My partner will say
of something in a shop or magazine "that's very Vicky Lee". I have tried
things that really don't work for me that's for sure. I have played
with pvc and leather in my character costumes but can say for sure that
I don't have a fetish for any style or material.
Is make-up and hair important to
you and if so how do you achieve your look?
Madam Jo Jo once told me make sure your
face and hair are the best they can be - most people don't look down
if they like what they see. My own hair is long I wear a hair-piece
bonded to my scalp, all of the time, to fill the gaps. My make up can
take an hour but I have done my full stage make-up in 10 minutes. I
have been very lucky to be able to watch the best and learn from them.
To what degree do you practice hair
removal, and other body feminisation?
I shave all my hair from my body every
few days (except my back and upper arms, which are waxed monthly). I
pluck my eyebrows every day. My ears are pierced. I moisturise and face
pack whenever I allow myself time. I have my hair coloured and highlighted.
My nails are always groomed and my toes are always painted (this is
very important to me).
Who knows that you dress?
Everyone I know - knows that I dress
fully female. Local neighbours and shop owners accept that I am not
male nor female but something inbetween. Many say madam even when I
have made no effort - other times sir it does not bother me either way.
My best male friend was the first to recognise what I was . He approached
me and said "please tell me you are a transvestite because my second
option is that you have taken up night fishing". He has always been
most supportive and accepting. His partner has helped as my personal
assistant for a number of years and has just had a baby. My partner's
family have always treated me as the 4th sister. I am a tomboy as much
as they are. My sister and mother have disowned me.
How often do you dress and if you
go out where to?
I am mostly in cargo pants and tee shirts.
But then so are all the girls I know. I often wear something more girly
when I am out for a meal with friends, meetings or a party. Saturday
at The WayOut Club always fulfils girly dreams and is still after years
How much of a sexual turn on is trannying
When I was young I would get an erection
and masturbate after dressing. But at the same age I would masturbate
at ANY time. My partner prefers to wear nothing when we are intimate
and took a long time and counselling to accept my feminised body. Clothes
can make me feel sexy but happiness is my only aphrodisiac.
What is your definition of feminine?
feminine is the ability to embrace
a game of paint ball and then to flirt in a cocktail frock and EVERYTHING
inbetween. Masculine is to deny any experience, emotion, choice because
it might be considered by somebody else as "girly".
To what degree do you feel gender
dysphoric (i.e. that your brain is feminine)?
I have allowed my brain it's full range
of abilities and choices I don't think that I am gender dysphoric but
others think I am feminine.
To what degree would you consider permanent hair removal, hormones,
I have endured laser hair removal that
proved to me that I am driven to make changes. I have breast envy and
would like breast enhancement but only if my partner was happy with
this. I have no desire for any other changes. However I know that if
I had understood myself and had had the option I would have chosen castration
at a young age.
Why did you choose your transgender
When I was first asked for my transgender
name (to sign into a hotel) I was scared of being identified and felt
I could not use my given name (which IS a genderless name). I panicked
for a moment and then out popped Vicky Lee. This name has been good
for me and I have many strange stories relating to it. (I tell these
stories in a whole section on choosing names in my book HEorSHE? by
Vicky Lee). However I wish now, that I had used my (genderless) name
as it would cause less confusion, especially on the phone. Also family
and old friends knew me first by my given name and it very hard for
anyone to use a different name once programmed into the neural software.
What individual has inspired you
most in relation to your TG inclinations?
I set the question but I can't answer
it. I am a product of so many influences I can't choose an individual.
I am a tomboy who also enjoys being feminine. I have been inspired by
the images and actions of women as diverse as the fluffy stars of the
silver screen that I would watch as a kid on a rainy afternoon to practical
women who are not restricted by gender barriers tackling all manner
of activity - this I admired so immensely, believing then (and now)
that most men do not allow themselves diverse freedom. Ok if pushed
Katherine Hepburn, and Lara Croft (I wish) !!
Do you feel you have any choice in
your TG thoughts and actions?
Very definitely NOT. All of my life,
when I least expect it I find myself seeing a female image or activity
that triggers a deep need to share the look or the experience.
Have you tried to stop?
In my teens I grew a moustache to try
to stop myself dressing up. In my late twenty's I submerged myself in
long hours of work allowing no time for cross dressing (or anything
else including a relationship). On numerous occasions I threw away clothes
only to start buying bits over again. My weight has fluctuated between
11stone and 16 stone when I am small my cross-dressing increases and
at times I believe I have deliberatly used my weight to try to stop
my inclination. Instead it just make me unhealthy, annoyed and frustrated
Are your sexual preferences altered
by your TG experiences?
I think, like many others, when I was
first offered admiration, a drink, a compliment, a hand on the bum (and
maybe more) !! by someone who was in fact the same gender I questioned
my own sexuality. I had never experienced this before and as male rarely
received the same attention from females. I don't think my sexuality
was changed - it was awakened. I believe that if I had been purely heterosexual
I would have reacted differently to these opportunities and by accepting
them and enjoying them I accept my bisexuality - though I have had a
monogamous relationship with my female partner for over 30 years.
Have you suffered illness, depression,
relationship break ups because of being TG?
I have had many days when I have buried
myself under the bed sheets in an awful mood often preceding a night
when I was expected to present myself next to a partner who would use
every feminine trick to build her confidence and make her look great
- while I felt lost, not knowing how to present myself and feeling invisible.
I would try to overcome these feelings by using my personality to overshadow
my inner feelings which resulted in a roller coaster of extreme emotions.
While exploring the newly discovered TG world I felt guilt at the hours
not spent with my partner who thought I was making up a fantasy world
with my stories. After revealing my TG activities to my family my relationship
with them spiralled into a disastrous break up. I am accused of being
the cause of my father's death and I have been asked to have nothing
more to do with my mother, sister and her children since the year 2000.
My relationship with my partner has suffered ups and down which can
be attributed mostly to my TG feelings in the background, later in the
foreground. My partner struggled with the need to not have secrets with
her friends and family. At a later stage she further needed help to
explore her own relationship with what she now fully believed to be
a part female person with no turning back. Through all of this, two
series of counselling with 'Relate' has been valuable and has helped
us focus on our options and make decisions. Furthermore the support
of many friends and family has brought both of us through to a stable
and very happy period in our lives.
If you could relive your life without
the TG experience would you choose to?
I would never 'choose' to be estranged
from my family, yet I have no other regrets at the life I have had.
Being TG has not been easy but it has greatly enriched my life. I often
think that if I had my life over again knowing what I know now I would
have "come out" much younger. But in that case so many other wonderful
things and wonderful people probably would not have been part of my
life. Understanding my sexuality at a younger age may have made me vulnerable
to HIV and AIDS because it was my age group that was caught out with
no knowledge of the disease and were wiped out before drugs were formulated
to hold the immune deficiency in check and the message of using condoms
at all times was learnt.
How did you get into performing and
what have you done?
With a background of shy performance
playing guitar and singing and years DJing - in 1992 I started working
with Steffan Whitfield. When I first took to the stage to perform female
mime impersonations. I found to my surprise that in "drag" I had no
fear no "butterflys" After two years with 'Dragmania' I went live singing
firstly in 'The Vampettes' and then with my own show 'Vicky Lee & Company'
with which in one year alone I did over 180 very successful shows. In
1998 on Sky One's 'Little John Live' show, I was particularly thrilled
to be able to sing live backed by a fabulous band. On a program for
UK Living I sung backed by music that I made on my computer. Pressure
of publishing work has not allowed time for making music or performing
on the cabaret circuit for far too long - however I enjoy regularly
hosting and joining in shows at The WayOut Club.
What outstanding TG experiences stand
out in your mind?
I am blessed with so many - from simply
feeling elated after early infrequent Friday to Sunday weekends of freedom
to be me - to meeting Princess Diana at a film premier. I constantly
find myself in situations where I look around and know that I am amongst
extraordinary company that I would never have come into contact with,
if I had not opened my mind and stepped out, and then I look at what
I am wearing and the feel the confidence they inspire in me and know
I am not looking from outside but from within. Standing on stage receiving
applause for a performance must be one of my greatest joys, followed
closely by the joy of seeing many others achieve the same result through
our Star Search at the WayOut Club.
What one piece of advice would you
give to someone that has just found they are not the only tranny in
Buy my book HEorSHE? Click Here
In it you will read my TG biography and the TG experiences of many others
in the context of How it started, Is there a cure, All the tricks of
the trade to achieve our desired images, Finding our place in the transgender
spectrum, The influence that transgender has had on our creativity and
those around us, Plus the thoughts and experiences from spouses and
partners of TG people and much much more ... I am sure it will help
you understand transgender and help you find you place in the interaction
with the phenomena.
Realise there is no such thing as normal.
You only have one go at life so be true to yourself while maintaining
respect for others.
Find a balance that is right for you and those that love you and enjoy.
Oh yea - one more thing - Do come and
visit me, and my partner Lesley, and all my friends at The WayOut Club,
in London, on any Saturday night. I look forward to meeting you www.thewayoutclub.com
Photos with thanks to Rik & Chrissie